You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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