mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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