Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
