the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ugly people sure do ruin things
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize