At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
