I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
