I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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