Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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