I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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