just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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