Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
