I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
