i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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