Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
