Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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