I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
