I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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