my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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