anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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