i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My vagina is officially offended.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
