in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
