Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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