he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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