"it" just moved
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
