I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
