Ambien. No doubt about it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
