As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
