I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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