what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
