I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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