It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
