I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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