I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
