Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
