I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
