Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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