First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
