I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she looked like the before picture.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
