Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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