Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Welp...herpes.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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