I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
