Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
