im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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