me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
