did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
