How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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