dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
