First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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