My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Im just a social blackout drinker.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize