I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
only you would photoshop your dick
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
