and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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