So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
