What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
