The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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