Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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