WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
