this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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