oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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