i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
