HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize