he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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