I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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